I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
