Don't make out with my wife yet
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
