For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
