Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
