My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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