I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
