Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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