All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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