woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
