Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
