Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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