we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
