found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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