Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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