he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just had sex on a roof
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
