12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk is not a location!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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