i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's blow job season.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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