I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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