Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
