If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
