Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
