if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize