I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
