Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
