I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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