he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
