AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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