i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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