you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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