you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
