I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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