did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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