plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
