The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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