He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
