Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
