The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
