not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
