So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
