Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
