I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
last night I used snow as a chaser
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
