I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
