i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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