just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
