His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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