you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize