I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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