It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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