It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So. Much. Porn.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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