so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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