its not stalking. its research.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
