if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
