Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
