I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
