His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
