I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
