RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
