When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
