i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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