I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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