you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
