The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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