You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
whose parrot is this?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
