a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
