No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
