is your mom at the bar?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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