dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
