My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
