i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize