Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
